最简单的模型告诉你经典经济学概念

经典经济学2018-05-16 11:55:19

有点绕,但还有些道理,可看看后面的英文版。

社会主义:你有两头奶牛。你送了一头给你的邻居;

共产主义:你有两头奶牛。国家把它们全拿走并给了你一些牛奶

法西斯主义:你有两头奶牛。国家把它们全拿走并卖给你一些牛奶。

纳粹主义:你有两头奶牛。国家把它们全拿走并枪毙了你。

官僚主义:你有两头奶牛。国家把它们全拿走,打死一头,给另一头挤奶,然后把牛奶扔掉。

传统资本主义:你有两头奶牛。你卖掉了其中一头,然后买了一头公牛。你的牲畜迅速增加,经济增长了。你卖掉了它们然后靠这些收入退休了。


皇家苏格兰银行资本主义:

你有两头奶牛。

你谎称有三头,然后你用你在银行工作的小舅子开的信用证把它们卖给了你的上市公司。接着你通过债券

换股权买回了四头牛,还获得了五头牛的免税。接着你通过一家注册在开曼群岛的公司作为中介秘密将六头牛的挤奶权卖回给了你自己的上市公司,开曼群岛公司的大股东在卖给你公司时,挤奶权变成了七头牛。年报显示你的公司拥有八头奶牛,还有多一头的期权。没有资产负债表发布。接着股民狂买你的股票。

超现实主义:

你有两头长颈鹿。

政府要求你上口琴课。

一家美国企业:

你有两头奶牛。你卖掉了一头,然后强迫另一头生产四头奶牛产的奶。后来,你雇了一个咨询顾问分析为什么这头奶牛挂掉了。

一家希腊企业:

你有两头奶牛。你借了巨额的欧元建设了牛棚、奶站、饲料库、乳品厂、冷冻车间、屠宰场、乳酪厂和包装车间。但你依然只有两头奶牛。

一家法国企业:

你有两头奶牛。你把罢工,组织暴乱,拦截道路交通,因为你想要三头奶牛。

一家日本企业:

你有两头奶牛。

你重新设计了它们,现在它们只有普通奶牛的1/10大小,却能生产普通奶牛20倍的牛奶。接着你创造了一个聪明奶牛的卡通形象,给她起名“Cowkimona”,然后把她推向全世界。

一家意大利企业:

你有两头奶牛。但你不知道它们在哪儿,你决定先去吃午餐。

一家瑞士企业:

你有5000头奶牛。但没有一头属于你。你向牛主人收取管理费。

一家中国企业:

你有两头奶牛。你雇了300个人挤奶。你宣称你这里的失业率为0,并创造了超高生产力。你逮捕了报道真相的记者。

一家英国企业:

你有两头奶牛。它们都疯了。

一家伊拉克企业:所有人都认为你有大规模的奶牛。你告诉他们你一头都没有。没人相信你,所以他们用炸弹把你炸得乱七八糟还入侵了你的国家。你依然没有奶牛,但至少你现在是个民主国家。

一家澳大利亚企业:你有两头奶牛。商业很繁荣麻。

一家新西兰企业:

你有两头奶牛。左边那头看起来好迷人。

You have two cows

Jokes of this genre formed the base of a monologue by comedian Pat Paulsen on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour in the late 1960s. This material was later used as an element of his satirical US presidential campaign in 1968, and was included on his 1968 comedy album Pat Paulsen for President.

Richard M. Steers and Luciara Nardon in their book about global economy use the "two cows" metaphor to illustrate the concept of cultural differences. They write that jokes of the kind:

Russian company: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.

Californian company: You have a million cows. Most of them are illegals.

– are considered funny because they are realistic caricatures of various cultures, and the pervasiveness of such jokes stems from the significant cultural differences. Steers and Nardon also state that others believe such jokes present cultural stereotypes and must be viewed with caution.

There are many other forms of the "two cows" metaphor used in pop culture today. Below is a non-comprehensive list of others.

Anarchism: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Political Correctnessism: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.


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